Mujhe uncle mat bolna!

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Last night my uncle hit the bed vowing that he will hit the gym like a sucker, first thing in the morning. He said he would work out like crazy; build biceps and triceps and all those ceps that one can possibly build; have well-toned muscles all over and then....then what? Ermm..look good? Naaah...he looks quite good for a 40 year old, anyways, I thought. Then do what with those bulging biceps? Fight out the goons who tease young lasses near the women's college? Well, can he actually do that against a bunch of gun-wielding goons? I mean he would want to but is it practical? Or should he apply to one of those auditions for K-serials that keep flashing across the tube these days?

At times, I dream of the real thing happening to him - like what had happened to Tom Hanks in "Big". After being humiliated while trying to impress an older girl at a carnival, a kid goes to a wish/fortune-telling machine, called Zoltar Speaks and wishes that he were "big." The next morning, he sees a face in the mirror he does not recognize: overnight, he has become a fully-grown adult. Maybe, not actually become "big" as an adult but become "big" in terms of being a hulk!

Why are you looking at me like that? Why are your brows twirled and why is there a "big" question mark on your face? You think I am on drugs?

Well, honestly, I am bitten by a mysterious bug that is spreading a disease like a fire in this country. And I want every 40 pluses to be a part of this "revolution". Including my uncle.

The bug first bit Shekhar Suman. And overnight, SS became an eyesore from an average looking, funny-man on television. Please pardon me for being so harsh on this poor soul (who must have picked up 'heavier' weights throughout his career) but I just can't resist. I was aghast seeing him topless and showing off his tight abs and bulging biceps - don't know about you, but he looked quite a gore to me.

Then, if that was not enough - the god of so many Indian teenagers and adults, alike - SRK joined the bandwagon. Why, SRK, why? The bug bit him so bad that he chanced all his good deeds in the past for his so-called "6 pack abs". Arrrgh! With due respect to the living legend and his millions of fans across the globe (which includes me too) - he is not looking pretty at all. We still prefer him in his polo-necks and suits and kurtas and all those clothes that don't show his top.

I guess this is something to do with conditioned reflex. You are accustomed to seeing something and liking it and akin to all human minds and human nature - change is always resisted and not liked. An Arjun, Hrithik, John or a Salman flaunting the same would not look as bad - maybe, because that is the way we have always seen them and we have been fond of them like that. But SRK doing the same is a big no-no. Like we all hated him the Lux commercial. Ditto for Mr. Suman - we love his wit; his black humor and his sense of absurdity. But we really don't appreciate his absurdity to this extent. Likewise, I would hate Sanjay Dutt keeping a white French beard or Aamir Khan walking on stilts to look tall.

Don't get wrong, people. I have nothing against 40 plus individuals - they all rock and I idolize a lot many people who are 40 pluses - including my uncle! But it is "wannabe" attitude that I have a problem with. Maybe it's the age; maybe peer pressure. Or the keeda in the individual to keep the "fame flame" alive. But whatever it might be, I think that people should concentrate more on their strengths and what they are better known for - and not experiment with the un-truth at a wrong time in their career. Being a sport is okay with me but being a "would-be" inspite of achieving the best in life is a loser attitude.

I sincerely hope this bug does not bite any more people around us. I am trying to immunize my uncle against this deadly sin. Our advice to SRK - please don't strip - we don't like your abs!

So, as long as we have our SRK flaunting his dimples, effusing charm and adding with a smirk on his face, "usne mujhe uncle nahin kaha..." - we are happy with him!