Junglistan Cricketer in Parliament

0

Tweet

"Why do we have so much pain around us, so much suffering, so much poverty, so much hunger? No one has answers friends, not even Gautam Buddha. I can't claim success where he failed, but I can help reduce your pain, make life easy for you." Over 10,000 people had assembled to hear Komal Baba's sermons, paying Rs 2,000 for a seat in the largest centrally air-conditioned sports complex of Junglistan. Quite a few had shelled out over Rs 25,000 to sit closer to the Baba, and if fortune favoured they would get to ask one question also. One, not more than one. Baba's time was precious, and he had many calls to attend. Baba turned to his most favoured shishya Swami Paramananda, gesturing him to take over. Paramananda, a management graduate, had failed to sell soaps, newspapers, televisions, movies, condoms and everything else he tried....

Dravid, what we learnt from you

2

Tweet

I write this as a fan of cricket, one of the many millions in India, who are ridiculed as fickle-minded fanatics every time they question their team's performance like its recent 8-0 losing streak. Most in our breed want Tendulkar to retire, Dravid to have retired after the England series, Laxman to have retired long time back. Yet when Dravid declared his innings, just like we wanted him to, we can't but feel guilty. Did we rob cricket of a few more Dravid masterpieces? Still, even the most ardent fan of Dravid will only admit it is a good leave by the batsman who knew where his off-stump is. Becoming a Dravid fan is not easy. Not when you have Sachin around. Sachin came, he saw, he conquered. Dravid came, he toiled, toiled and toiled. When Sachin bats, we watch with expectation, but not assurance. Every....

Junglistan General goes to war

0

Tweet

At Kallu Vasu's bar, the most popular in Junglistan, it was primetime - the period between 8 pm and midnight. The rooms were full, most had downed at least two drinks, most had shed their inhibitions -- singles had found partners to split their bills, every table had a conversation going. "Never ask a woman and the Army chief, their age," announced Sai-gal Ram-ankutty, finishing one Large in a gulp. A big Saigal fan, the lawyer imitated the singer to the last note, sang Rafi, Kishore and even Lata songs in Saigal voice. Sai-gal Ram-ankutty, an acclaimed lawyer, was not happy being just that, he wanted to be an accomplished singer too, and had put hyphens in his name, hoping a bit of numerology will bring him the luck he sorely needed. Everyone on his table, and neighbouring ones too, nodded in agreement, though they did....

Lokpal? The joke is on you

3

Tweet

A pandal came up outside Ittooppu's tea stall. The year-end came as a bonus for the goat - three days of debate in Parliament on Lokpal Bill, a law that would end corruption in all walks of life and spawn debates across the country for a few days to come. A sure shot money-spinner for Ittooppu. He hired two LCD television sets for the occasion, put loudspeakers on the coconut tree outside, bought extra cans of milk, got vadas prepared days in advance. Ittooppu had made sure he would not be found wanting on the day that mattered. And he was not off the mark, at 11 am, his shop was overflowing with customers. It was one debate no citizen of Junglistan - the political animals that they were - could afford to miss. "Yesterday was boring," said Kuyilamma, "First they don't debate the Bill and then Anna breaks....

A park for Rs 685 crore, Junglistan outraged

0

Tweet

It's five in the evening and a full house at Ittooppu's tea shop. Office-goers, daily wage labourers, artisans, smalltime traders, all had gathered at the goat's eatery. That's where animals of Junglistan catch up with the latest gossip - all kinds of it: politics, movies, sports. "Motta Dosa," demanded Duba Duba, the crocodile. Motta dosa or egg dosa, is a new item that has entered Ittooppu's menu. Result of months of painstaking research by Ittooppu's wife on how to use dosas that go unsold. Chop onions, fry them, add green chillies and eggs, and scramble them with small pieces of dosas that are at least a day old. Motta dosa ready. The new item had been a huge hit -- a chartbuster - prompting Ittooppu to try out many variants of the same. Motta Idli, Motta Vada, Motta Puttu, Motta Banana Fry... "They are showing....

The treasure, where's my share?

0

Tweet

"Parippu vada and chai for Paramu, puttu-kadala for Mayilamma," Ittooppu gave orders to his son, "Make it fast." He looked very happy and it showed in his steps. "The chai is very weak. If you don't have enough milk at home, can't you buy some from Nandini," Thathamma was upset the tea and coffee served by the goat were getting diluted day by day, "At this rate you will be serving only black tea in a few days." "At these rates you will get boiled water in other shops, thank me for serving tea," Ittooppu retorted, "Soon I will decide if I should continue this social service at all." "And what will you eat?" Thathamma shot back, "Khaas-poos?" Chinnu burst out laughing. "Laugh, laugh. May be the last time you laugh at my expense. If not for....

Junglistan's Watergate

0

Tweet

Agent Vikram hid behind a door. He had heard some footsteps, and didn't want to blow his cover after coming this far. A few steps away from him is Junglistan finance minister Mookan's office. Vikram, known as the desi Bond in spy circles, is on a top secret mission: to bug the finance minister's office. The donkey, who had the reputation of being the best spy in the business, had worked hard to reach where he is today. First and foremost, he had to fight the stigma of being a donkey. He was assumed to be dumb, Vikram smiled as he thought of those early days, no one took him seriously. That had turned out to be his biggest advantage. A donkey could saunter into the prime minister's residence, breaking every security ring, and yet get away with it. A donkey after all is stupid, unworthy of....

Janata Bar, entry restricted

1

Tweet

"Vodka with Limca," Sundari stated her preference. The cow, a college student, was throwing a party to celebrate her graduation. No, she didn't come first, she had barely scraped through. But for Junglistan's youth, every mark scored needed to be celebrated, and every mark lost needed to be mourned. "No Limca, will Sprite do?" Kallu Vasu, who owned the most popular bar in the jungle republic said. "And by the way, how old are you?" A new law in the state had prescribed a minimum age for drinking. The law had taken a lot of time to draft, given the number of species in the state, and their different lifespans. Finally, the government had worked out a formula. Animals can drink only after they had completed 25 per cent of their expected life taken at the maximum. So if humans could drink at 25, a cow....

Junglistan's Baba Fights Corruption

2

Tweet

Right leg over his left shoulder, left leg over his right shoulder, right arm stretching all the way behind his back touching his left ears, left arm stretched the same way touching the right ear, and his head somewhere in the maze, Kovalan was in asatyamochanasana. The posture prescribed by Baba Yogadev was a one-shot vaccine against corruption, if practised on empty stomach. Kovalan didn't have the money to go to Dilli, where a spiritual guru was fasting to fight bribes. The monkey instead chose to show his support in Junglistan itself. Kovalan chose the venue carefully, right in front of Ittooppu's tea stall, where animals of Junglistan gathered every morning and evening. First when the animals saw Kovalan in a twisted mass, they assumed it to be the result of a bar brawl. Kovalan's drinking habits and exploits were acknowledged and respected by one and all in....

Amul Baby wows Junglistan

1

Tweet

'No credit, no politics.' The sign was placed prominently, just above the black board that listed the day's menu, at Ittooppu's tea stall. Ittooppu was forced to put the board after he lost many a furniture and crockery to the spirited debates engaged in by the citizens of Junglistan, who could best be described as political animals. No one paid any heed to the message, but Ittooppu didn't take the trouble to remove it. "One kattan chaya please and two parippu vadas," ordered Tortoise Kunhiraman, lifting his eyes from the Junglistan Patriot, the Party mouthpiece. Ever since he lost power in a close fight to Kunjoonju in the Assembly elections, he had become a regular at the Ittoooppu tea stall. So had Ajayan, the hare who headed the Party. After the loss, both agreed on introspecting, but differed on who pulled the rug from under whom. The....