Gangnam Style: Make it stop! Make it stop!
Be careful what you wish for. I wished that Justin Bieber gets his comeuppance for his hugely popular and supremely annoying 'Baby...baby..ooh...baby...' Fate just bit me in the ass with 'Oppa...Gangnam Style!'
If you have ever had four helpings of everything at a party only to come home and discover that your wife has lovingly cooked you a five course meal you cannot say no to for diplomatic reasons, you will know exactly how I feel at the moment about Gangnam Style.
I cannot sit through another rendition by fat uncles at lavish weddings, celebrities at award functions, lame-ass wastrels at pubs, students at school corridors, mothers inside their kitchens and babies inside foetuses - and I WON'T CALM THE F*** DOWN.
It wouldn't be half as painful if I still had control over what I wanted to watch - except that I don't. The damn thing is playing EVERYWHERE. It's on MTV whenever I turn on the television, it's the ringtone of colleagues at the office, it's the wake up alarm and it's blasting from loudspeakers during Diwali.
This is Michael Jackson's Bad, Bayside Boys' Macarena and Dhanush's Kolaveri Di - only a thousand times worse because of the song's easy reach. As Psy's 'Gangnam Style' becomes the most watched item ever posted to YouTube with more than 800 million views, edging past Bieber's 'Baby', I find myself thinking the unthinkable - if the Canadian teen star wasn't the lesser of the two evil.
At least the Bengali couple upstairs finds 'Baby' difficult to sing, unlike Gangnam Style.
My bitterness stems from various levels of denial. I do not mind that a boy from South Korea's Gangnam district has found fame globally peddling a crude horse dance. Good for him.
I object to the million crude reproductions of the song, some by renowned artistes, sportsmen, filmstars, painters, activists, sculptors, diplomats and politicians - each pushing their own respective agenda.
If there is anything close to overkill, this song is overkill.
There is something about this song that turns perfectly intelligent people into galloping idiots.
The horse whip and head bob has infiltrated respectable street dance festivals, music awards and even the United Nations headquarters.
It has inspired countless parodies, but the self-serious imitations by Madonna, Britney Spears and UN Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon are priceless. Cricketer Chris Gayle, tennis star Novak Djokovic, Formula One driver Sebastian Vettel, British artist of Indian origin Anish Kapoor have fallen prey to the song.
Punjabis have come out with a spectacularly silly Bhangra version and Presidential candidate Mitt Romney skipped and hopped on to a stage performing it during a campaign stop.
Then there are the lyrics that no one understands but insist on singing anyway.
For all its great likeability worldwide, it hasn't been translated into English - which means people stumble and charge through the song like drunken bulls, making up their own lyrics. Since when has lack of understanding a song's lyrics stopped a great party?
Aren't we already guilty of destroying Ricky Martin's 'Un Dos Tres' and Shakira's 'Waka Waka'?
But this time it's worse. Much worse.
More about Rituparna ChatterjeeIn her 10 years in the media, Rituparna has worked both on the field as a reporter as well as off it, on the desk. Lover of cumin flavoured "authentic" Chinese food. God is watching but that's no compulsion to keep the desktop neat.
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