Lots in a name, Mian Khan

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Hi, I am Shah Rukh Khan. Naam toh suna hi hoga.

I just couldn't help it. Chuckling, that is, at my nasty little brain for coming up with this one, when the news of the superstar being detained at Newark airport broke on a rather boring Independence Day afternoon.

More such possibilities were explored--'Mian SRK, while Swades is your territory, Pardes isn't'--and many giggles and LOLs were exchanged over lunch, tea, Facebook and Twitter.

But in all seriousness, I should hold back these twisted nuggets of humour. Especially when Shah Rukh--by his own admission--had to work really hard at not letting his crazy wit prevail at the airport.

Yes, whatever happened is not funny. Curious, it is. Intriguing, sure. Convenient, most certainly.

By now, most of us must have FB'd, Tweeted, hollered or hawed at the uncanny timing of this incident. Sunday editions of most newspapers have put the conveniently-titled My Name is Khan (SRK's next) to great metaphorical use. I admit, it does make for provocative headline and enticing read - Detained because My Name is Khan. Yes, yes, we all thrive on sensation.

Now admittedly, that was my first reaction (and my first headline as well). Could it not be an elaborate, well-laid publicity stunt for the film - that purportedly deals with the sensitive issue of identity crisis a community faces and is being made to live with?

Cynic, you may say but ironically, SRK's own statements lend credence to the argument.

Hours after having undergone the ordeal, the actor was on the phone-line with CNN-IBN from Chicago -- and later on many channels of questionable credibility -- telling the viewer in 45-minute chats about how he was hurt, surprised and amused, all at the same time.

To get an SRK to speak with your anchor for nearly an hour when a news of this magnitude breaks on a dry day is a coup. But why was Shah Rukh so keen on letting out his story now, when - by his own admission - he faces the same problem every time he travels to the US? He said he's a shy(!) and a scared (!!) traveler to the US and has to factor-in buffer time for secondary checks at the airport.

So, why now? The actor - who's gone with Raj and Rahul as his screen-names for the better part of his career - has been questioned about his Muslim identity many times in the past, the answers to all of which have been careful, measured and "correct". Never has he spoken on how his witty self gets reduced to a nervous wreck (or whatever) while traveling to the US.

In many an interview, he's amply displayed what fine an actor he is: quick wit, charm, political correctness and articulateness, perfected to a flaw. (Aside: I became an SRK-convert after the HT Summit two years ago.)

So why did he not speak earlier?

This proposition may sound far-fetched to some and preposterous to all fans but it does remain the most probable one - it's only too convenient for Shah Rukh to talk now, now more than ever.

Anyway.

It is an inconvenient reality for most browns, Asians and especially Muslims that in a post-9/11 world, there are certain "routine" things they have/are being made to live with. So while the Americans may dismiss and downplay what they did with SRK, it shouldn't come as a surprise or a shock to us.

Yes, it is routine for them to segregate browns from Whites at airports and double-check on them, especially when their second names, dressing style, facial hair and even harmless tattoos raise eyebrows and suspicion.

As an Indian - Muslim or otherwise - it hurts me, it also angers me to no end. It would embarrass me to be asked to step out of a queue and undergo "routine" checks on my background, baggage and motives when I am as qualified and bonafide a citizen as the White behind me in the line.

It would be shameful if I am asked to find people in a foreign land to vouch for me and my credentials. Therefore, I can only understand what a megastar like Shah Rukh would have felt having undergone this.

But then, it's also a fact that Americans live in a bubble of paranoia and suspicion when it comes to all things safety and security. And by keeping this paranoia going to crazy levels of doubt and discrimination, they have managed to avert terrorist attacks on their land after September 11.

So, your perception of right and wrong - like in all other cases - really does depend on which side of the coin you're holding up.

A certain Madam Minister is so enraged that she openly suggested a tit-for-tat. Just one little query Madam Soni - while the Americans have all their reasons (ludicrous as they may be) to suspect us Asians, what reasons have you to do the same unto them or other Whites? It would do India much good if we - instead of emotional outbursts on national TV - were to ramp up security at our airports and public places so that no one with nefarious motives can get past the barricades. And let's really not get self-righteous about this when just a month ago, an American boarded an Indian flight with ammunition on him. For every racist attack on an Indian, let's not forget a Scarlett Keeling or a Brit woman raped.

So on and so forth.

But yes, do feel for Shah Rukh who could have really done without this episode, incidental or curiously coincidental as it may be.

While it does lend much curiosity to his forthcoming release, I daresay that with a reputation like his, fans like us would have anyway gone and watched My Name is Khan.

That it is directed by Karan Johar (!!!) notwithstanding.