The biggest problem with us Indians; is our big mouths. We talk too much. But when it comes to action, we're too tired from all that talking to really do anything about anything. Or, we come up with the most ridiculous suggestions.

Like the brilliant suggestion our ministry* of (god knows whose) welfare has come up with to solve the burgeoning population and HIV crisis (we are number two and three in the world respectively). Apparently, the best way to fight the problem is to introduce - hold your breaths people (ha, ha) - paan-flavoured condoms.

(*While the government is not directly involved - the condoms are being launched by a private body - any such product release will require government approval)

Apparently, it's a preference for paan that has led to conclusive conclusions that paan-flavoured condoms will work where other condoms have not. By that logic, and given the figures for tobacco-consumption, wouldn't a gutkha-flavoured one work better? Or bidi?

So these condoms are "by and for sex workers"... but isn't that like saying that the HIV/AIDs problem is only DUE to the sex workers? What about the non-sex, corporate workers, the educated fools who don't use a condom? Can we perhaps hope for single-malt-flavoured condoms for alcoholics, tofu-ones for the health-conscious and sugar-free ones for the diabetics as well?

Let me make it clear: Anything that promotes the use of condoms is a commendable move. But does that necessarily mean... paan?

We always seem to come up with the most brilliantly convoluted solutions. Earlier we had vibrating condoms launched that ran into controversy. Apparently, since the condom vibrated and gave pleasure - and that's supposed to be bad when having sex - it 'technically' became a sex toy and not a condom. Think about it, in a country where buying a condom creates a scandal, we are expecting people to go up to the chemist and say, "Bhaiyya, can I have that vibrating-wala condom." Sure, very convenient.

How about using better quality latex so that the condoms don't feel as, well, rubbery" Or for that matter, have some government chemist shops with women at the counters: Makes it much easier for a lady to buy condoms instead of having to deal with three smirking attendants. But no, all we can think of, is paan.

Funny, sometime back, we also saw the launch of the female condom: Cumbersome, comes in a box that looks like it would bite and costs more than Rs 40 for ONE condom. As Mrs Mishraji (my neighbour's wife who has some surprisingly sharp observations, strangely only when Mishraji is not around) put it when we were discussing the women-buying-condoms issue, "Arre ji, 20 litres of bottled drinking water costs Rs 60 and here one condom is so expensive. If it was re-usable maybe then..."

PS: HIV/AIDS is a HUGE and LIVING problem in our country. Friends, colleagues, you, me: everyone, anyone is vulnerable. And it's not just through sex -- there are needles, blood transfusion, cuts...

Government and NGOs working towards awareness and thereby prevention -- am afraid the only ways right now -- have a VERY tough time doing their jobs in helping people. The aim of this article is NOT to look down upon efforts.

However, good intentions and fancy-shmancy projects are not going to help us.