Real-life horror stories...

60

Tweet

... and how common sense beats molestation

The earlier article giving practical, tried-tested suggestions to tackle molestation -- A woman's guide to fend of molestation --- received some peculiar remarks. Some bordering on "why are you being moral brigade" and others on how it was "school book-ish and preachy." While one was expecting some of the what-are-you-saying responses, one felt the need to share some of the incidents -- personal as well as happened with friends -- that lead to the common sensical realisations made in the earlier article.

That said, HERE are the incidents that lead to some of the suggetions: Hope they're titillaing enough for you.

Don't talk to strangers, or at least don't be stupid about it.

Case A: Girl meets famous writer's brother at party, they have common friends too. Numbers are exchanged, they meet for a couple of coffees, send SMSes back and forth for a bit, she decides she doesn't want it further. He starts harassing her with lewd messages and stalking her.

Case 3: Girl goes out, exchanges business cards - that unfortunately have her mobile number - with professional contact. The contact starts finding ALL sorts of reasons to call her, comes to her office, starts stalking her.

2. If you are outnumbered, run.

Case 1: New parking lot behind Delhi Haat, adjacent to slums. Girl and guy - guy does not understand Hindi - park their car and walk towards the entrance. A car stereo is being fixed, there are five boys there. As the girl and guy pass, one of the other five boys says something nasty in Hindi. The girl turns to look but doesn't say anything. The boy says something nastier. The girl turns around and asks them to mind their tongue. Everything suddenly gets very ugly till luckily, a senior gentleman (with family) intervenes.

Case 2: Girl is climbing out of underground parking at Palika Bazaar. As she climbs up, there is a crowd coming down the stairs as well. A man passes her and even as she tries to avoid him, he blatantly squeezes her breast. She pulls him by the collar, he falls. Quickly a crowd gathers, no one says a thing. Some are grinning, some are checking her out, they are circled. She screams at the man, "Don't you dare touch me," she says. "Really?" he says, "Where exactly did I touch you, show me?" Some of the crowd starts laughing. Someone screams, "Yes, yes, show where did he touch you." She realises they are closing in when she feels some men bump into her back. She takes her bags and runs.

3. Know when to keep your mouth shut.

Refer to above for when to keep quiet. If you are with friends or at a place where the situation wont turn back on you, take the bugger on. Slap him, kick him, if you're with friends give him a royal bashing. But NOT at a time when you cannot get out safe.

4. Keep your phone handy and not tucked away in your handbag clutter.

It's amazing how women take 200 hours to fetch their phones from inside their bags... I do and so do a LOT of women I know. When being troubled by men in cars/ bikes etc who are being cheeky or coming too close to the auto am travelling in or following the auto for a bit, holding my phone, looking at the number plate of the other vehicle and pretending to dial the police has ALWAYS worked. They usually run. HOWEVER, I have always done this when am on populated roads. If you are on a lonely stretch and there is a car/bike following/ troubling you, please don't think, just call 100 immediately.

5. Be aware of things and people around you when in a public transport.

6. Your autorickshaw/ cab driver is not your friend.

Case 1. Girl takes auto for work from near her house at the same time every morning. There is an autowalla who is there daily. She has travelled with him 5-6 times when he suggests becoming his 'permanent customer', he would come and pick her from home everyday. She gives him her number and suddenly, he starts calling her. At least 18 times a day, saying he wants to do all sorts of things to her. The girl is terrified. She lives alone, away from her parents. The guy knows her phone, her house and her office. She doesn't know if he would be waiting for her somewhere. One night he is, but she is with a friend. The guy has not been found so far.

Case 2. Girl takes cab with friend at about 7.30pm, it's raining like crazy and it's a chatty driver, the girls are amused for he talks funny. After 5 minutes of random talking, the guy asks her what she does, she says she is a journalist. He starts narrating a weird story about some drunk woman and how the police thought either he was having sex with her or something. Then he asks the girl if lives alone and insists she not only take his number but give him a 'missed call' so that he can save hers. She says no thanks when he outright asks for the number so that he may "call her sometime for advice." She freaks out.

Case 3. Girls get into auto after much haggling and threatening to call the traffic cops. As the guy is taking them to wherever, he starts calling someone on his mobile phone. One of the girl overhears and says, "My god he is calling other people to meet us midway." They panic, make him stop, get out and one of the girls slaps him.

7. Keep to the center of the road if you commute through deserted patches.

Case 1. Girl has to pass through this lonely jungle road (leads from Jawaharlal Nehru road) which gets really lonely on cold nights. Girl takes auto after considerable argument. Angry auto driver has been looking at her a bit too frequently in the rearview mirror. She tells him to look at the road. He does but adjusts his sideview mirrors to look at her instead. It's 9.30pm, she's coming back from work and it's bloody cold. The jungle road is especially deserted that day when the auto - which has been moving absolutely fine so far - suddenly starts jerking. He is constantly looking at her in the rearview and announces that there seems to "something wrong" with the auto. He keeps slowing down and pulling to the side of the road, as the last car passes, he suddenly stops at the side of the road - leads to the jungle part of the Ridge in Delhi - and starts tinkering around. She starts getting out of the auto when he almost pushes her back and says, "Madam stay inside na, you don't have to come out." She pushes him back and goes and stands in the middle of the road. There are no cars. He comes back and tries to cajole her to walk with him to the "turn" because there are autos there. The "turn" is the blindest part of the jungle road and never has any autos standing. The girl is contemplating running when she sees another auto coming...

8. Wear a jacket/overcoat over your outfit when going to a club/party, please.

Case 1. Girl is walking from parking lot, down an under-construction road, in this new mall area. On one side are swanky glass buildings housing designer wear and designer food and on the other side of the road are the plastic shanties put up by the workers who construct those buildings. This is Saket. As she is walking towards the entrance to posh mall with posher restaurant, one of the parking attendants says something about 'naked' etc. She glares at him, he glares back and says, "Don't look at me like that woman, when you come back, I'll be waiting for you." She is wearing jeans and a spaghetti top.

Case 2. Inside the same club three men decide to rub against her. This girl is also stupid enough to believe that she would be safe even if alone. All the three men look educated. She moves away to another side, they follow her there. She is small, they are tall and openly looking down her top. They even look her in the eye and grin cheekily. They know she's alone. She approaches the club management. Bouncers help, the men don't bother her. When she is leaving the club and getting into a taxi, she notices the men waiting outside in a car. She sits in the taxi and waits for them to leave.

And am sick of justifying. You are "aggravating the problem", they say. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? It's happening everywhere and it's not about class or what sort of man does it. The ideal situation is that everyone can be themselves and no one molests anyone or letches or teases or rapes. But that's not happening.

To ask women to cover up in public is NOT asking them to shy away. to asking them to keep their mouth shut -- in places where they CANNOT handle things -- is dumb??? Either you be the sort who are comfortable with cleavage and will NOT react when comments are hurled at you or when you are felt up. Because if you are not confrontational, then you better cover up where need be. You cannot pick a fight everywhere, you cannot lecture them all the time, you cannot beat every eve teaser and you cannot FORCE people to accept your cleavage for aesthetic purposes. Because simply honey, a cleavage turns on. It does NOT mean that you can be touched etc when you don't want it, but then molestation is NOT about asking you politely, is it?