5 Essential things your mom never told you
Times have changed. It is no longer a world where the husband works and the wife looks after a house. Definitions have changed. The divorce rate has gone up and so have the insecurities that lie with a relationship. It is a new world order where it is necessary to protect yourself. Every woman should know this but no one says this aloud.
1. Never reveal your money: Women are now independent. They earn enough and they have their own bank accounts. However, as soon as they fall in love, something happens to their sense of independence. It is as if they can merge their former selves into this man and trust him enough to look after both of them. After all women have been induced with the sense that once they are married, the man will look after the woman and she will not have to worry about money. Wrong! A woman must never reveal exactly how much she earns and exactly how much she has saved. A woman must keep herself protected at all costs. If the man God forbid ever decides to leave, she will have enough of a bank balance to safeguard herself. My mother in law quietly used to put away a little money given to her every month for household expenditure in her private savings. These savings accumulated over the years to give her a nice fixed deposit for a rainy day. When you get that bonus, do not go spend everything. When you make that little extra, be sure to put it away for now. Pretty things might look nice today, but they lose their shine when all you might want is a roof over your head and food on your table one day.
2. It's your body first: Men need sex. Often. Sometimes you might want to give in to just let things be. Remember in these cases, that you make it a point to make him feel grateful. It's something you're doing out of your will and you need pay back when it's time for him to look after the kids that Saturday afternoon when you go out for a coffee with your friends. When you are not ready for children, or you have had enough with one, two, or three, you need to take a decision about your own body. Get a `Copper T' inserted and inform your close friend about it, not your husband. I know this might sound devious but it is a psychological thing. If a man wants more children, he might resent you. If he does not want more kids, he might take advantage of it with having as much sex as he can. Listen to your body. It will tell you what you have to do to keep it happy.
3. Pay attention To You First: Women play many roles, daughter, mother, wife, daughter in law, employee, friend, house cleaner, etc. It is important that you treat yourself right. Do not be so harsh on yourself when you don't achieve perfection. It is difficult to be at all places at once. If the house is not completely clean, let it be. Take time off from work if it has been a crazy week. Don't think that working nonstop Monday to Friday and then entertaining and cleaning on the weekend is going to give you happiness. Do something completely for yourself at least once a week. Enjoy it and bask in it. In addition, find the balance. Give yourself credit first.
4. Eat correctly: Stress eating, binge intake, emotional drinking are going to show later in the years. And while you might think, you'll get to that problem when it starts showing, it might just be too late. There are no technological advancements for turning the clock back. Botox faces might be stretched but the wrinkles on your body will show. Soon enough, not any amount of money spent in anti ageing creams will help. Use sunblock daily and eat correctly. Understand what your body needs and when. Do not diet uselessly to please a society or a man. Lose weight because it fends away disease. Take your vitamins and calcium to balance your body for energy. Know that it is not "ok" to forget. Give in to your cravings occasionally but not every day. You know what to do. So start doing it for yourself!
5. Don't settle: If you are not happy with something, change it. You have the power to choose your destiny. Depression is not an option. Change it in small ways if you can. Do not give your "power" to another. You hold the wisdom and experience that has been given to you. Do not let it go to waste. If things are becoming too much, take a step back and see how you can correct it. Give yourself some options and work towards a better tomorrow. Your future can only lie with you. Know it. Believe in it.
More about Madhuri BanerjeeMadhuri is a comprehensive media professional, having worked in all forms of the visual medium -as a Senior Producer with Zoom TV, advertisements with White Light Motion Pictures, Director in her own production house Gray Matter Solution, documentaries as a freelancer with PSBT and commercial Bollywood films as an Assistant Director. She has worked with stalwarts like Subhash Ghai, Kaizad Gustad and Rohan Sippy, and music director Anu Malik. Madhuri graduated from Lady Shri Ram College, Delhi with a Bachelor’s degree in English Honours. She continued her education acquiring a Master’s in Mass Communication and Films from Jamia Millia Islamia. Her thesis film, 'Between Dualities' won her the National Award for best documentary on women’s issues. She is an avid reader, world traveler, and film watcher. She gives relationship advice in a column called Love Guru in the Asian Age/Deccan Chronicle every alternate Monday. She has currently finished working on a commercial film script. Her debut book 'Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas' sold over 40,000 copies in the first year of its release and was on the best seller list for over 10 weeks. Her second novel 'Mistakes Like Love And Sex' is a sequel and was released in November 2012. It’s already on the best seller list. She has her own website www.madhuribanerjee.com is active on Twitter as @Madhuribanerjee, has a Facebook page for Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas, writes for the CNN-IBN blog called Chastity Belt and has her own blog www.madhuribanerjee.blogspot.com which already has over 1,44,000 views.
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