The tribe called 'parents'

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It is the baby boom season. Many babies are being made, many are born and so happen many visits to the new parents or parents to be. I love visiting pregnant and new mothers. The pregnant ones are excited, apprehensive, looking forward to holding their babies in their arms soon while the new mothers are full of pride for creating such a beautiful piece, one that no sculptor or painter other than God or a mother can create.

New mothers particularly top my priority list. I know how daunting a task it is to be handling a baby that is few days old. Add to it the self confinement it brings within the four walls of your house. Nothing brings a smile to a new mother's face than the phone call which says you are visiting her. It works on two counts. She can show off her baby to you, one that she's produced after so much of hard work and two her loneliness scale decreases by a significant quotient. Well, if it's a metro city it has to be significant, no exaggeration there.

The new mother I went to meet yesterday was super delighted to have her baby tucked in her arms as she fed, burped, cleaned and rocked the baby. Each moment I was there with her I could see the immense joy and pride in her eyes. And the way her baby looked at her in awe and wonderment, maybe even gratitude, was a sight to behold. Ok, let's give credit to the husband who had changed his office timings so that he could help out with the morning duties, made chai for us as we shared baby gossip (I like the term baby gossip, though nothing associated with babies can ever be gossip, its far more sacred than that) and even worried about whether it was alright to put the fan on for the fear of the baby catching a cold.

As we talked, the conversation shifted to people who have visited them in the past few days or haven't visited them. The new parents were happy that quite a few people had made the time to come and see the new baby but they were disappointed that the ones who claimed ownership over the baby every day before it was born had all disappeared. I smiled and asked them whether they were childless couples or single ones. To no amazement of mine they said yes to both.

Parents are a unique tribe. They give up their so called fun lives to lead a life of utter boredom as per this other tribe who are either single or couples who have decided not to have kids. All that parents do after having a baby is sleep, drink, eat and think babies. Their conversations are about the baby, they are in bed by 9 30 pm, they rarely ever go out, there is no couple intimacy and the only form of entertainment they know is bedtime story books of their kids. You talk to them about the latest invention of a technology gadget and they will disagree that there is no invention like the diaper. You tell them about the hottest women and they will disagree saying their baby daughter is the hottest. Talk about football and they will include how their two year old just knocked off a plate of cornflakes in the morning with his tiny feet. They sigh thinking how boring you are, you sigh thinking they are missing out on so much. They pity you for the lost sleep, you sympathise with them for wasting all your waking hours on things trivial and superficial.

It is not intentional that the new parents' friends have not visited them. They just don't know what to do when they visit them. This is not known territory, they haven't experienced it and they don't want to. I urged the new parents not to judge them or be cross with them. The talk about potty and diapers does not make for great conversation for someone who's not experienced it. Why blame them for it? We are what we choose and we chose this or for that matter parenting chose us. I am glad it did choose me for I know no other way to live and I have learnt that having embarked on this journey I shall lose a few ones along the way. I am ok with that.

East and west may still meet someday but the 'parents' and 'not parents' tribe will never. Its best that we don't even try to make it happen. Therein lies the wisdom and therein lies the peace.

Till my next post! You can write to me at http://mammamania.in