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12 noon, Nov 8 Nov 08, 2012

Are relationships getting more complicated as time progresses?

Madhuri Banerjee is the author of bestselling book 'Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas'. Her new book is titillatingly titled, 'Mistakes Like Love & Sex'. Join her for a webchat on whether relationships are getting more complicated these days.
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46 questions answered | No question pending
  • How will you define Love and Lust? Asked by: Alpesh Nagar
  • Madhuri Banerjee The secret is in my book :) http://www.flipkart.com/mistakes-like-love-sex-0143418378/p/itmddsyhpxcn4att?pid=9780143418375&ref=77f611ad-b803-4fcd-a06c-d783335c4524&srno=s_1&otracker=from-search
  • Hi Kaveri, many congrats on ur 2nd book.. have gotta copy n enjoying the read... my question is.. is it fine for a 33 yr old divorced woman who has a 4 year old kid to marry a 42 yr old man who's never been married before and who lacks initiative and is rather passive?? Asked by: savera
  • Madhuri Banerjee If he loves your kid and you and will give you everything you need, don't worry about labels. Just go for it.
  • Thanks for your answers. Best luck with your book launch. :) Asked by: Concerned Spouse
  • Madhuri Banerjee Thanks. Hope you grab a copy :) http://www.flipkart.com/mistakes-like-love-sex-0143418378/p/itmddsyhpxcn4att?pid=9780143418375&ref=77f611ad-b803-4fcd-a06c-d783335c4524&srno=s_1&otracker=from-search
  • Thanks for the tip. I hope it will and good luck with your new book... Cheers Asked by: Shayne
  • Madhuri Banerjee Thanks! Hope you have a copy? http://www.flipkart.com/mistakes-like-love-sex-0143418378/p/itmddsyhpxcn4att?pid=9780143418375&ref=77f611ad-b803-4fcd-a06c-d783335c4524&srno=s_1&otracker=from-search
  • thanx for ur answer.. i will try and get comfortable.. but i dont know! i just feel how am i going to face him when we meet up next time. its like it make me shy talking to him about sex and than thinking of meeting him after that! god alone nows how am i goin to handle reltaionships! i fell i am not made for it! its better to be single dats what i feel sumtimes! Asked by: agarwal
  • Madhuri Banerjee Grab a copy. It tells you abt long distance relationships. And you will find the answers. http://www.flipkart.com/mistakes-like-love-sex-0143418378/p/itmddsyhpxcn4att?pid=9780143418375&ref=77f611ad-b803-4fcd-a06c-d783335c4524&srno=s_1&otracker=from-search
  • Thanks for the great advice, Madhuri. Wishing you all the best in your literary endeavors. Can't wait to get my hands on your new book. I also see that we share something in common; we're both Lady Shri Ram College alumni. Evidently, that college us truly taught us to be open-minded, liberal, independent, mature and empowered when it comes to dealing with relationships and sexuality, and never shy away from asking questions which need to be asked, and addressing issues which need to be brought to light. Thanks again, and best wishes. Asked by: Bhavika Sicka
  • Madhuri Banerjee Yeah to Elsa! And thanks. Do let me know your feedback on twitter @Madhuribanerjee or on my fb page https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/LMVODI
  • Why don't girls make the first move? Asked by: sandeep
  • Situations like you try endless number of times to find love. Despite being good and doing all the right things it's never happened Asked by: Shayne
  • Madhuri Banerjee It will. Believe.
  • Man's need..?? I'm asking being a woman, will she choose infidelity? men have a habit of changing flavours, what's in the case of women? If yes, why? as she's all satisfied! # the 4 demands Asked by: Himmilicious
  • Madhuri Banerjee If women get what they want, why should they stray? It's not something in their DNA!
  • Follow-up question based on your answer: What if we have already talked about it many times and still the spouse behaves in a childish way. How do we handle this situation? Asked by: Concerned Spouse
  • Madhuri Banerjee Speak to his mom. Ask her for help. And after some time let it go. You can't change a person. You have to work around it. You knew what he was when you married him. You can't mould him now!
  • My in laws r rich & miser & are very demanding. Thy dont give any basic thing to me as their daughter in law in any religious ceremony but have taken a lot from my parents at the time time of marriage & post marriage in name of riti rivaaz. How to deal with them? They even demand money from my hubby as well? They want to take but not give. Asked by: Neha
  • Madhuri Banerjee Stop giving. Send them a mail telling them that all you want is some love, respect and support and for that you will look after them in their old age. Stop giving and they'll stop demanding. If they still demand, ignore. Keep silent. And if they still push, speak to an authority abt harassment.
  • Madhuri, What do you do, when reach a situation when situations around tell you LOVE is not possible. Despite trying, nothing works at all when it comes to LOVE... Asked by: Shayne
  • Madhuri Banerjee How can nothing work? What situations are you referring to? If you try, it shall happen. Never say never!
  • is it necessary to talk sex in a relationship.. i mean i know it keeps the relationship alive.. but what if u r not so comfortable discussing it??? i mean my bf just tok about it all the time and that makes me uncomfortable quite a number of times and than we end up not toking to each other! moreover its a long distance relationship so i even fear it wont work out! Asked by: agarwal
  • Madhuri Banerjee Never fear. It's the base of doom. Start getting comfortable. All men require sex. Either you start giving it or they start looking elsewhere.
  • What do we do for the spouse who behaves a be bit immature post-marriage? How do we groom him/her to take up more responsibility after marriage. Asked by: Concerned Spouse
  • Madhuri Banerjee Is it a little bit or a lot? 1) Have a frank chat abt what you both need and can give. 2) Don't nag. 3) Find someone else to help you.
  • thanks for ur answer madhuri..u have given a way to figure things out. all the very best for ur book. i know, u gonna rock this time too! :) Asked by: r.k
  • Madhuri Banerjee Thank you so much. Pl do read it :) http://www.flipkart.com/mistakes-like-love-sex-0143418378/p/itmddsyhpxcn4att?pid=9780143418375&ref=77f611ad-b803-4fcd-a06c-d783335c4524&srno=s_1&otracker=from-search
  • Hello Madhuri, If the 4 demands of a relationship i.e Physical, financial, mental and emotional are satisfied, will a woman or a man still go for infidelity? If yes, Why? Asked by: Himmilicious
  • Madhuri Banerjee Does it cover what a man needs? If so, then I don't think so.
  • Thanks for your answer. Kaveri has gone through pretty much the same struggle that I see day in and day out sorrounding me. However, I feel life would be less complicated had we get partners who complete us. That is where the challenge lies. Asked by: Bharathi P
  • Madhuri Banerjee We complete us. The others should just add the cherry on the cake. They can't be the whole cake. That's you. All the ingredients of love, generosity, intelligence, caring, supportive, sensitive, strong, beautiful is all you. Complement each other. Not complete each other :)
  • I had a love marriage. My hubby was cheating while we were dating & he is cheating after marriage as well. He says he loves me thats y chose me over others. He is rich & provide me all comforts. Should i stay on or leave him as he is a cheater? Asked by: somya
  • Madhuri Banerjee That's up to you. Every relationship is a give and take. If you're happy with the material comforts then stay. If you want a loyal husband, then leave. What do you really want from a marriage? Are you getting it? It doesn't matter what society says. It's what your heart says. Be ok with that. Lots of love to you.
  • He's been with a lot of women in the past, and he's evidently experienced both emotionally and physically. Each of the women he's been with has attracted him for a different reason - a quality which stands out, an exceptional trait or talent - for me, it's been my intelligence so he says; I feel like he's been with prettier women, though, and that's been putting a whole lot of pressure on me lately. I know it's not fair to compare myself to others; each one is unique and brings to the relationship something different and special; no one is flawless. But I won't deny that he's a good looking guy who's been with gorgeous women in the past, and that's been making me insecure. Any advice? Asked by: Bhavi
  • Madhuri Banerjee YOu already answered it. Don't be insecure. He's with you for a reason. He chose you for a reason. Don't jsut be pretty. Be outstanding! Let your personality sparkle. And if you still feel insecure, make an effort to look good..for yourself. Bcos he can see your inner and outer beauty. You need to as well.
  • hey, after two failed marriages, do you think it's even plausible to think of getting attached again? not blaming the other, but i tried my best. too independent now. Asked by: mo
  • Madhuri Banerjee Love needs no attachments. Please fall in love again. You don't need to get married. Learn from them and start again. Where's the harm? All the best!
  • i am in a Long distance relationship. we hardly have the time to talk to each other as we both are always busy..we find out time and for an hour or so in some 2 days and mostly chat on fb. but wenever we talk the topic is always sex and that irritates me often. i sometimes feel as if i am only an object to fill his lusty desires. although i know he loves me a lot but still! Asked by: r.k
  • Madhuri Banerjee I think you can tell him that you'll keep the weekends for sex over skype! Do something naughty for him then. Tell him you're too tired to get excited on the weekdays and would rather spend time discussion work, life, friends and gossip. Also it's nice to have someone long distance fantasise about you. It keeps the spark alive. Sometimes just go with it. All the best!
  • Thank you so much. :-) best wishes for you book. May it break all records! Asked by: Anjit (Crestless Wave)
  • Madhuri Banerjee Thank you so much. Yes. Fingers crossed... :)
  • its he who cant commit marriage. I am not asking for it, just being with him is more than enough for me. But he feels we should stop if there is no future in terms of marriage. I disagree. Love and the present happiness is more imp for me. He knows all this yet can't seem to get over the committment issue Asked by: A11
  • Madhuri Banerjee He can't commit? He doesn't want to remain bcos he can't marry. Hmmm.. Sounds fishy. I think he wants to get out. Give him that option and see how he reacts. If he does, you're meant to be with soemone better! If he says no no i love you and want to be with you forever whichever way you choose, you know he's the right guy and continue your relationship.
  • What if you know that someone loves you, but you don't/can't love them back. How to handle this situation without hurting them? Asked by: Anjit (Crestless Wave)
  • Madhuri Banerjee Take them out to a nice place and explain this to them. Keep your distance after that. You don't want to give out the wrong signals. Let them move on in their own way. Email back to them if they correspond with you. Be gentle and firm and polite.
  • who according to u is the most anticipated writer in india right now...who would u like to read? Asked by: rbaa
  • Madhuri Banerjee I would like to read David Davidar's next book. Enjoy his writing style. Also would love to read more from Jhumpa Lahiri and Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, my favourite female writers.
  • hi, getting dumped isn't the best of things. happened a long time ago, but has left its scars. women to me are two timing scheming ppl. no trust. ur take? Asked by: monty
  • Madhuri Banerjee Women are wondrous exlposions of love and just misunderstood! So what if she dumped you. Her loss! Find someone who loves you, cherishes you and cares for you. Be yourself, not bitter. It's wonderful to be in love. Move on from memories that haunt.
  • Sometimes a great relationship is all you need.... I agree with you. But what if he doesn't agree? What if he can't commit, and says he can't be in a relationship without a future. I love him a lot and he loves me too. There have been other issues but i always thought love for each other was the all conquering fact Asked by: A11
  • Madhuri Banerjee He can't be in a relationship if you don't want to get married? Why don't you want to get married?
  • If relationship is all about love for each other & trust then no matter what it is a smoth ride. Other else it was complicated from the beginning and will become more and more complicated as time passess, Asked by: Akki
  • Madhuri Banerjee Yes we need to have love and trust but more issues come along as we grow in the relationship. We grow as individuals as well. When we want from more life, we demand more from our partners. All relationships need to have some compromise to survive, whether it's new or old.
  • So, am tracing you here too apart from your blog :P. But on this topic, I need to say that people are complicating relationships themselves. It is pretty easy to manage relationships if you know the base of all relationships; it is just LOVE and TRUST. May I know your take on this? Asked by: Bharathi P
  • Madhuri Banerjee True. Love and trust are important but we are a sum of more than that. We also need respect, understanding, support, and sex! Somewhere something can go wrong. It's up to both the couples to fix it. Situations and circumstances make it complex. We don't.
  • Does relationship today only mean a partner with whom one has certain advantages with ? Is "love" lost? Asked by: Prithwish
  • Madhuri Banerjee No because I don't think you can sustain it. Sooner or later you will look outside then and want love, companionship, someone who understands you, supports you, and you have a sexual attraction to. That's love. How can it be lost?
  • Definitely I relationships getting complicated as India is getting younger. My question is, do people attach more importance to being in a relation than they used to earlier? Also, is the desire to be in a relation more than it was before? Asked by: Ganapati Bhat
  • Madhuri Banerjee We all are looking for True Love. As my protagonist Kaveri in Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas says, Every woman deserves to be pampered,cherished and worshiped. Every man deserves to be loved completely. It maybe a pressure from the older generation to fix us up. But nowadays young India has a mind of its own. Doubt if they'll be pressurised.
  • Do you think technology has placed a big role in complicating relationships? Being connected all the time, hopping from one person to another is easier? Asked by: Rachel
  • Madhuri Banerjee Getting into a relationship is not easy. Finding a partner to have sex with maybe. I think technology is helping us get closer to our partner. If we are traveling, we can easily keep in touch. And it's always nice to communicate lovingly through any medium.
  • Do you think the generation gaps and the social customs may add to these complications. Asked by: Indian
  • Madhuri Banerjee Generaton gap? Social customs? If a couple loves each other, why bother about anything else?
  • Hey girl! dunno about relationships,but i do want to ask you how it feels to complete your second book?! Asked by: R Mittal
  • Madhuri Banerjee It feels great! Have you bought Mistakes Like Love And Sex yet? http://www.flipkart.com/mistakes-like-love-sex-0143418378/p/itmddsyhpxcn4att?pid=9780143418375&ref=77f611ad-b803-4fcd-a06c-d783335c4524&srno=s_1&otracker=from-search
  • you know the marriage is not gonna happen . Should you still continue till she understands it as the time comes , to keep her happy ? Asked by: gaurav
  • Madhuri Banerjee Be happy. Be true to yourself. If marriage is what you need in the end, say so. But if it's happiness with someone, then try and make it work forever and care a damn abt society!
  • Hi Madhuri : congrats for the second publish. you seem to have hit the chord with the right topic in the modern day where ppl dont have time to be in touch when being in touch is just a touch away ( i know u own a qwerty BB). my question is whether every relnship comes with an expiry date (be it friendship, love, marriage etc), how do we keep the flame alive in this ever-increasing complex world where we need to be rich, competing and yet be happy ? Asked by: anand_bangalore
  • Madhuri Banerjee Thank you so much. I do hope people go and buy Mistakes Like Love And Sex. It talks about complicated relationships and hasangles from several men, and not just the protagonist Kaveri. I don't think relationships come with an expiry date. I think we need to make it work always. There are very troubled times now since both partners are ambitious, working, educated, etc. The best way to keep a flame alive is to spend some quality time communicating every day to your partner. A simple bbm "i love you" sometimes makes his/ her day!
  • Who is your favourite superhero and why? Asked by: Bat
  • Madhuri Banerjee Batman. He's the thinking superhero. Gave up everything to save the world. Comes back to do it again. Plus, chicks love the car, and it comes in black ;)
  • does love matters at adolescent age distract young generation from their life goals? or will it have a positive effect sometimes ? Asked by: pavan namburi
  • Madhuri Banerjee Love happens. We can't say when. And we can't dismiss it either. People in their 30s hardly know what their goals are. give teenagers a break. Let them live a little.
  • I guess in fact relationships are getting more matured and unbiased provided the frequencies of the guy and the girl are in harmony. I am skeptical whether to call it complex? Asked by: Lokesh
  • Madhuri Banerjee Relationships are whatever we term it as. Let's not go by what the society labels it. If we're happy, it's simple. If it becomes tough, it's complex. In the end we need to sort it out ourselves.
  • i agree Ms. Banerjee,Relations get complicated at the time you progress, Asked by: versha
  • Madhuri Banerjee But we need to keep it simple as well. Love is pure. Let's not adulterate it!
  • IS life today too fast to think of relations ? Asked by: Indranil
  • Madhuri Banerjee Sometimes. But having a relationship is important. It gves you security, another perspective on life and someone you can rely on. You know there's someone always in your corner. Slow down and definitely fall in love!
  • These days movies/books seem to become the reflection of culture of any ethnic groups. With more and more Indian cinema/books depicting steamy scenes of lust and acts of lesbianism, do you think this is setting us up in the right direction ? Asked by: Videsh
  • Madhuri Banerjee What direction do we want to be set up in? Kamasutra was the ultimate sex book. We're far milder!
  • Which is the most genuine relation which you would call out ? Asked by: Prithwish
  • Madhuri Banerjee A mother and child. It's the purest with unconditional love.
  • MISTAKES LIKE LOVE AND SEX???????............WOT U MEAN BY TAT MADAM? Asked by: SANA
  • Madhuri Banerjee Read the book! ;)
  • u there?? Asked by: Amit
  • you know that marriage is not gonna happen. Should you still continue to keep her happy till the time she understands herself ? Asked by: gaurav
  • Madhuri Banerjee Yes. If you think the relationship is worth it, make her happy. But more importantly, be happy. Is marriage the answer to all problems? Sometimes a great relationship is all you need. Talk it out and be honest to yourself. See what both of you need and what you are willing to give and receive. All the best.

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