Being Sarika: The comeback queen

Her life exemplifies inordinate struggles, but she emerged the quintessential comeback queen - both in her career and her personal life. While most women her age want to reverse the calenders of their lives - wanting to be more beautiful and relevant - actress Sarika has her priorities set in life. In a candid conversation with CNN-IBN's Anuradha SenGupta, the doe-eyed actress says she feels completely in control.

Anuradha SenGupta: When you had your first meeting with the Modys, what was it like?

Sarika: I met the Modys in my capacity as a person. And it was very difficult. I really hadn’t imagined it would be so difficult for me to face the aggrieved family. It was like that truth, which was hanging above my head all the time, knowing that I’m going to see them (the Modys) some day. The day I met them, and the week that followed after that was really not okay.

The film’s unit kept meeting them during the making. Finally came the evening when we all saw the film together. And it turned really very painful. I told my co-star Naseer that it won’t be possible for me to meet them again.

At one point, she (Rupa Mody) just held my hand said to me: "Even you said in the end, he would come back." It’s a scary kind of an interaction that two of us were having. Here I was listening to her — the women that I am playing in the film and she was reacting to me, as if I was she. The repercussion of anything where people suffer loss is pain. She was holding on to the words, which I said in the film while playing her role.

Anuradha SenGupta: You are not a politician, not a policy maker, not a police person. As a person that you are, how do you think we can live with each other in spite of all our differences?

Sarika: It's very simple. And because it’s so simple, it won’t make sense since the problem is so huge. I really think we have to learn to let go off anger. It sounds very simple, but that is the key to solve the problem. When we made this film, people said we are 'opening wounds'. There are many families like the Modys, who went through similar pain during the post-Godhra riots.

The day we went for the shoot in Ahmedabad, one gentleman who belonged to the same locality, walked up to me and told us: “I was away for just four hours on that fateful day. When I came back, 19 members of my family were massacred."

He said he has been alone for the past five years. No family member of his is alive. Imagine the state of mind of that person who waits for a hug from somebody who is ready to fight for him. All that he wants is someone who would look after him. And when nothing happens, then what does he do?

I think had someone acknowledged the pain that these people went through during the riots, perhaps we could have averted the blasts, or maybe the number of blasts that took place later in Mumbai.

I’m not saying that any act of violence is justified. I condemn the blasts as much as I condemn the post-Godhra riots. But I want to believe that the retaliation to the post-Godhra riots could have been less had someone acknowledged the pain that the people went through during the riots. The feeling of pain and loss that these people went through is the same as what we went through during the Mumbai blasts. Both incidents were equally painful.

So, we must see where it comes from. It is the anger that people were waiting to vent out, and then they took it in their own hands. There is no end to it.

Anuradha SenGupta: So it is the ‘eye for an eye’ tendency that we need to stop from breeding?

Sarika: Absolutely. That is precisely the point.

Anuradha SenGupta: Parzania was complete about two-years ago. In fact, the national award was announced in your name. How important was that to you — the acknowledgement of yourself as an actor?

Sarika: Awards make you feel good. But it doesn’t make your performance better or worse.

Anuradha SenGupta: If you are looking for a career again as an actor, then it's important that people see this film. Isn’t it?

Sarika: I think it's important for people to see any good film of mine. There is another good film of mine which is called Bheja Fry. I liked it, and it’s really a good film. All of us want all our films to do good business and get good reviews. But it doesn’t happen all the time.

Anuradha SenGupta: What are the scripts that are coming your way?

Sarika: The roles that were being offered to me were really clichéd. People make definite guidelines for you if you are making a comeback. They tell you what you must do and what you must not. They want you to play roles of Bhabhi and mother and just stand in a corner. There is nothing wrong with all these roles, but I think they are not real. They are nothing more than caricatures.

I have no issues playing a mother, but then the role should be something that is close to real life. I don’t want to do anything that makes me move away from what I am. I am not going to wear hot pants and run, neither am I going to gray my hair. I want to do what I am good at at this given point of time. I think today the industry is hundred times better than what it was earlier.

Today, be it the women in the film, or the story line, or the subject matter — anything and everything is absolutely fantastic. The kind of films that we are making today is hundred times improved than what we were making a few years back.

Anuradha SenGupta: Do you wish sometimes that you were born not when you were but perhaps 15 years later?

Sarika: No, not at all.

Anuradha SenGupta: Since the industry has become a much more exciting place for an actor today, it would have been more welcoming for you?

Sarika: I don’t wish my birthday could change to a different year. Today is 2007, and I was born when I was born. I have Parzania to my credit and it's damn exciting. Maybe 15 years back, I would not have been okay with playing such a role.

Anuradha SenGupta:I remember seeing Geet Gata Chal and I loved the story and the songs in the film. But as I remember your earlier work, I get this sense that here you were this beautiful, talented woman in the industry, and then with time, your roles became smaller and smaller, and towards the early '80s you disappeared from the scene. What really happened?

Sarika: I think there was a lot of mismanagement as far as my career was concerned. It’s been three years since I am back, but you won’t see me doing the number of films one would have expected me to do. The reason why I am being choosy is because I have decided it that way. This time, I am going to handle my career my way.

If there is anybody to blame for the past failures, it’s just me. I want to correct things my way. The wait has been tough. I believe that the kind of roles I really want will come now. Not because of the success of Parzania, but because people would know what they can expect from me. At that point of time, my own career was not in my control.

Anuradha SenGupta: But it wasn’t as if you were not focused on being an actor at that point of time?

Sarika: Of course not. If you see, parallel to commercial films, I was doing very good work in all Basu Bhattacharya films. But that was not the year 2000. Had Basu Bhattacharya films been made today, they would have received much more recognition than what they got during that time.

Griha Pravesh and many other films that Bhattacharya made were good and happening, but they were not big-budget films. And during those times, people did not write much about such films. Parallel cinema was often considered ‘poor cinema’ made by people who didn’t have much money to invest in films. Very few people took it seriously. Today, it is a USP to make films such as Basu Bhattacharya did in those times. People actually say, "Wow, look actors are not wearing any makeup." You can actually write a two-page-long article talking about these things.

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So, I think I was doing good work, but it was not noticed. But then, it's okay and I don’t regret it.

Anuradha SenGupta: So, the way you don’t want to change your birth year, you don’t wish to change anything about the past?

Sarika: Yes.

Anuradha SenGupta: All of women out there wanting to be more beautiful, wanting to be loved, wanting to be relevant; how much does it help being beautiful to achieve being loved or being relevant?

Sarika: Nothing. It might be important, if you think that ways, for somebody to turn around at you and say, “she is pretty.” But in the end, I really don’t think it matters at all.

Anuradha SenGupta: So, beauty is not a guarantee against hurt or perhaps a rough and tough life?

Sarika: I don’t think beauty is important at all. Because it is not something you can hold on to forever. So, what do you hold on to? You hold on to what you are. That is what matters in any relationship. Especially, in a man-woman relationship, finally what you are left with is what you were, and not how you looked at a particular time.

Anuradha SenGupta: You have designed costumes for films. In fact, you won the national award for Hey Ram. I believe you are interested in sound design as much, isn’t it?

Sarika: Yes, I have a keen interest in sound designing. I worked at a time when there was no sync sound or anything, and I didn’t like dubbing so much. It looked like an add-on to me. There was this gentleman called Mr Srivastava, who would tell me about how sounds are synced for film scenes.

Once we shoot everything and it comes to the table, you rip off one whole track and recreate everything. From the A/C sound to the door banging, from paper crumbling to gulping water — it’s like creating a complete new track.

Anuradha SenGupta: Are you getting to do this work?

Sarika: Nowhere. I am only getting acting offers.

Anuradha SenGupta: So, have you decided to now focus upon acting than considering anything else?

Sarika: I think whatever you do, do it in the perfect manner.

Anuradha SenGupta: So, you want to sync your teeth in and be an actor in today’s cinema?

Sarika: Yes, that’s correct.

Anuradha SenGupta: Did you miss it all these years?

Sarika: Not at all. Acting is one thing that comes naturally to me. The one thing that I know is acting.

Anuradha SenGupta: Is there a sense that you want to act now on your own terms? Is that very important for the career that you are building now as an actor? Your career as an actor now is something that you are designing for yourself, isn’t it?

Sarika: Yes, I’m designing my own career now. In between, I’m doing films that perhaps I shouldn’t do, which don’t even go with my design. But then they are done for various reasons.

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Anuradha SenGupta: What are those reasons?

Sarika: I don’t think to name those ‘reasons’ would be in good taste. Though I own up to each and every role that I have done so far. There are people who after watching Parzania would pick up another film of mine and expect similar performance. But they get disappointed when they see that my role hardly lasted more than three minutes in it. Immediately, they come up with harsh criticism for me. But then I own up for that film also.

I knew very well what I was getting into. I’m sure I had some moments, which were good, maybe not as an actress but at a personal level, I had a great time.

Anuradha SenGupta: You don’t regret anything, do you?

Sarika: I do regret you still haven’t offered me a cup of coffee.

Anuradha SenGupta: You have made it very clear that it doesn’t matter where you are today. You don’t want to change anything that you have done and you also talked about how you spent your entire life in and around the film industry. Would you like to change that at all, being a child star?

Sarika: Today when I look back, all the recognition and criticism has come from my being in the industry, something that I would not like to change at all. But had I not been in the film industry, then, of course, I would have liked things to change.

I think, I would have loved to go to school. That is one thing that I would have really liked to do. I would have been a very good student. I just like the whole concept. It's not because I don’t attend school that I like it so much. I really like the idea of learning, of teamwork, of being a student, and having somebody that you can look up to.

Anuradha SenGupta: In the film industry, was there anybody you looked up to as a child? Were there people who helped you, in some way or the other?

Sarika: Basu da, Basu Bhattacharya was someone I looked up to, for he was somebody who really molded me as an actress. I was someone who just stepped and crossed the line from being a child star to the leading lady. I did not know how to walk, how to conduct myself. I did not know how to do anything.

Basu da used to tell me, “If you walk like this, which man would like to look at you?” He worked hard to make me walk like a woman. And I really didn’t know about all those things. I grew a lot as an actress with Basu da. That is something I treasure very much.

Anuradha SenGupta: Do you remember somebody called Master Raju, Sachin and many more of you co-actors? There were a lot of people that movie-goers grew up watching very fondly. But those people were not in transition beyond a certain point as successful adult actors. Why do you think it was like that?

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Sarika: As a child actor, there are only a few qualities that you need to have to be successful. But as an adult, you need to know so many more things. A kid who is cute and a little intelligent, he can perhaps manage to become a child star. But the same child may not grow up to be a star because he may not be as talented to be a mature actor. I have seen so many child artistes, who would study to become something else in life, other than an actor.

Anuradha SenGupta: After Parzania was released, there has been a lot of interest in you. But tell me how important is it for you to be in the public eye given the kind of career that you want for yourself?

Sarika: To me, it is not at all important to be in the public eye. It’s not a comfortable zone for me to dress up for a party and go. In the past three years, tell me how often have you seen me anywhere for that matter? Of course when my films are releasing, I give complete time to the film and make sure that I’m there for that one month to promote the film. But once that is done, I want to be left alone.

Anuradha SenGupta: I know that, you say certain doors are closed for you, but something that I have thought about for a long time as a woman is, when you decided to have two children without being married, was it tough or was it the most natural thing for you to do?

Sarika: It’s the most logical thing to have one kid, get married and then have another one. Isn’t it?

Anuradha SenGupta: But you stayed unmarried until you had your second kid. Was it something that felt very natural and the most natural feminist thing to do?

Sarika: It was natural, but it wasn’t a ‘feminist’ decision at all. You don’t take such big decisions to prove a point. You do so, because at that point of time there is so much between you and your unborn child. I don’t think there is any person or anything more important than that. There is a life growing inside you, what is it that you can do about it?

There are so many things that you become responsible for when you are bringing a life into this world. It’s very serious business.

Anuradha SenGupta: Did you have to be tough at that point of time, because of the society?

Sarika: Again we are coming back to the same thing. It’s really something between you and your unborn child. There is nobody else that matters at that point. What matters is you and your unborn child. How important is the child to you? It’s the love that decides. It’s something that you cannot ‘not have’. I was ready to go away. I was ready to just take off on my own, have my baby and come back.

Anuradha SenGupta: Do your babies, who I believe are young girls now, realise what their mother went through? What do they think about you?

Sarika: My elder daughter, Shruti, is absolutely fantastic. She is training to be a singer. She has been singing from an early age. She doesn’t allow me to sing. She says I’m a terrible singer. My younger daughter is good at football while I’m not good at sports. So, mama is a cross there also.

Anuradha SenGupta: Are they too young to realise that you as a mother blazed paths for them?

Sarika: My daughters are going to do their own stuff. My girls are very strong. And they are very special women. I’m not saying this because I’m a mother. They are very special women. Their journey has not even begun. Trust me, they are going to be something else. Whatever mama has done is going to look very small in comparison.

Anuradha SenGupta: So, you are in a good space, aren’t you?

Sarika: I’m in a very good space. And it’s been like this for quite some time. I’m doing things that are making me feel comfortable, doing my little films, taking may own breaks.

Anuradha SenGupta: It was wonderful meeting you. We hope that you get lots of exciting work in future.

Sarika: Thank you, so much.