Click to play videoAvtar Singh Grewal, an NRI businessman in Vancouver, Canada, is under arrest in Delhi for allegedly killing his estranged wife Navneet in USA.
Avtar allegedly strangled Navneet Kaur, daughter of a senior police officer, in Phoenix, Arizona, and then fled to India. Police allege Avtar was jealous of Navneet, who worked for an IT company, and kept harassing her even after she left him.
Navneet is one of the hundreds of women in India who married NRIs for a better life abroad but soon found that the marriage was a nightmare. Kiranjit Ahluwalia endured 10 years of violent abuse from her UK-based husband before she killed him in May 1989.
A court sentenced Ahluwalia to life in prison but she was later released. Provoked, a film on the Ahluwalia’s life, opens this Friday.
Ahluwalia has become an inspiration to hundreds of Indian women abroad who suffer domestic violence every day.
Provoked is about one woman who fought back but it raises another question: why do Indian women who have been duped and abused by their NRI husbands don’t turn to India for help? Are the laws inadequate in this country? Are NRI women more vulnerable to violence from their husbands?
India 360 asked this to a panel comprising Sherry Sabbarwal, Sociology Professor at Punjab University, Murugavel Janakiraman, CEO of Bharatmatrimony.com, and Sneha Singh, Secretary of Ark Foundation and who was once married to an NRI.
Real life story
Sneha Singh said she didn’t know much about her groom but still married him. Her parents didn’t find about the US-based groom-a mistake. Her husband, mother-in-law and sisters-in-law turned out be schizophrenics.
"Parents feel that the boy (NRI) is like a hot cake and they want to grab it before any other fmaily does especially in Punjab." |
“Every parent should find out about the whereabouts and history of the family and the groom. They tend to forget it in a hush-hush situation because they feel the boy is like a hot cake and they want to grab it, especially in Punjab,” Sneha said.
“My husband had quit his job in January 2003 but placed a matrimonial ad in June 2003. Our wedding took place in December 2003,” Sneha said.
Punjabi fetish
Hundreds of women in Punjab marry Indians living abroad because they think their marriage would be a ticket to a better life. But for many of these women life turns hell when their husbands abandon them. Such cases have become so common that the Indian government has now published a guidebook for families planning to marry their daughters abroad.
“NRI men abandoning wives is not a new phenomenon in the UK and US. It has been happening for over two decades now. But it’s surprising that despite still want to get their daughters married off to such men and girls themselves want to marry men abroad,” Sherry Sabbarwal said.
This dream of marrying abroad has become a fixation in Punjab. “Punjab is an extremely orthodox patriarchal society. On the one hand you have a society where you feel you are not treated well and on other you feel you would get a better life if you go to another country. That is the surprising factor: the risk of marrying a person who may not be on the level is preferable to the women here rather than marrying a local boy. There is a fetish for anything foreign,” Sherry said.
Conning online
Matrimonial ads are the easiest way to get to know about an NRI groom, but do these ads tell enough? Janakiraman, CEO of Bharatmatrimony.com, admitted there was scope for cheating.
“The website cannot verify, but we had a service using which you could verify the identity of the particular person at a cost of just $20. But we had to pull off the service as it wasn’t working,” Janakiraman said.
“I was in the US for nine years and I have hundreds of friends who are happily married. You cannot take one or two marriages and conclude that they are a success or a failure,” he said.
Legal help
Women who are abandoned by their NRI husbands can’t count on help from Indian laws. They have to fight long, expensive legal battles in foreign countries, where they often don’t know the language and the legal process.
Sneha hired lawyers in India but they cheated her. “They were just interested in fleecing me. I went to a Supreme Court lawyer whom I knew, and he took a huge sum of money from me and did nothing. And after three months, he said he had counselled me for two-three months and that the money was over,” Sneha said.
"There is a fetish for anything foreign. So if you like a foreign TV, why not a foreign husband." |
How to protect?
What is a best way to protect a woman who marries abroad so that she is not abused?
“It’s best to get contact details of relatives or a known person,” Janakiraman said.
“Sensitisation of parents as well as the girl is essential. The girl should be made self-reliant. And if she has enough self-esteem, I don’t think there is going to be a problem,” Sherry said.
“Marriage should be legalised. If the groom resides outside of India, they should get proper details of a social security number and everything stamped in the US,” Sneha Singh advised.
She added that nobody should rush into it and even if parents are putting pressure on the girl, she should take her own time to understand the situation to make the decision.
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