President Natwarlal of India

If Mr Natwarlal (alias Mr Amitabh Bachchan , Bollywood legend) becomes the President of India , the following is inevitable:

1 Amar Singh will be ushered into Madame Tussaud's, dark glares and a CD in hand (it is rumoured that he had made indiscreet calls to Madame Tussuads's thinking it is the name of an aspiring Bollywood starlet).

2 Mrs Jaya Bachchan may be encouraged to move a Bill titled Profit from Office.

3 Rashtrapati Natwarlal will call for daily 4 hour media briefings wherein he will give exclusives wearing foreign designer sunglasses (approved by Income-Tax) espousing the cause of his Guru.

4 All temples in India will have to be on a 24-hour standby as Rashtrapati Natwarlal can make a sudden surprise appearance post-midnight barefoot. A red carpet welcome may be made mandatory.

5 Mulayam Singh Yadav will be provided a raised dias on the pristine flower gardens of Rashtrapati Bhavan where wrestling matches will be organized regularly. Only UP MLAs are eligible to participate.

6 ABCL will be appointed as the event management company to organise visits of foreign dignitaries, and handle the Rashtrapati's endorsements. A UP based TV channel will have exclusive commercial rights.

7 Hrithik Roshan may be prohibited from kissing his co-stars in future films, and the past as well.

8 Industrialist friends causing image discomfort will be encouraged to communicate directly with Rashtrapati Natwarlal over wireless applications and SMS, fearing espionage by rival firms.

9 Aishwarya Rai will be given free acting refresher classes as per government orders, and Rashtrapati Natwarlal will announce a remake of Umrao Jaan by ABCL, starring Karishma Kapoor and Viveik Oberoi made by who else, but Ram Gopal Verma.

10 The script for DON 2 will be a whodunit with the President of India emerging as an Interpol double crosser, with Rashtrapati Natwarlal playing himself. Martin Scorsese may direct this incredible thriller.

Latest update:

Last heard, Shah Rukh Khan had already begun writing his own President's Address to the nation for Y 2012. On hearing this, Bachchan huddled with his cronies and has come up with an ingenious, brilliant master game-plan; he has decided not to stand for President.

After all, the original Don ka nakal karna na mushkil hai na namunkin.

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