New Delhi: Have you heard the one about how Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone?
What do you do to kill time when you are at the back of a serpentine line-up in front of a cinema hall selling Endhiran tickets? Tell Rajinikanth jokes, of course.
A host of one-liners extolling the Tamil superstar has the Internet buzzing ahead of the release of his mega movie Endhiran/The Robot.
Tickets for Endhiran sold out within an hour of the opening of bookings in Tamil Nadu, a week ahead of the film’s release.
Absurd in their improbability but increasingly imaginative, Rajinikanth jokes draw inspiration from the actor’s larger than life persona on and off screen.
Capable of drawing a guffaw from even the staunchest of Rajini critics, the jokes vary from witty to the downright ridiculous.
Sample this. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
Mostly the jokes are a fallback on veteran martial arts expert and actor Chuck Norris who can give the Tamil superstar a run for his money, which die-hard Rajini fans will undoubtedly debate.
After serving in the United States Air Force, Norris started his own martial arts school and starred in television series Walker, Texas Ranger. Multiplying and mutating over the internet, the jokes on Norris have found their way to India, only Norris is replaced with Rajinikanth.
Norris’ huge popularity started a cult-like following on the internet, which was later satirized and popularized further by late night anchors on US television such as Connan O’Brien. Jokes on Norris’ strength, physique, abilities, body hair and virility started a whole new fad in America.
Norris fans started the no-brainer “There is no such thing as evolution. It's just a list of creatures that Chuck Norris has allowed to live.” Rajini fans responded in kind: Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald's, and got it.
The Norris factoids, as the jokes are popularly known, became a phenomenon in popular culture through repetition and expanded to include other figures as well.
The Rajinikanth factoids, attributing impossible feats to the action hero, have found their way through the word of mouth in college campuses, cafeterias and offices.
Circulated as forwarded mails and mobile text messages, writers of the Rajinikanth one-liners are constantly vying to outdo themselves.
Here’s the proof. Rajinikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013. Or this. Rajinikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
From the most common bullet jokes - the action superstar splits a bullet in two to kill two villains at one time - to killing the Dead Sea, Rajinikanth quips have found their way into Indian popular culture, irrespective of geographical boundaries.
Here are some of the Rajini one-liners from the Internet you shouldn’t miss:
Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.
Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Rajinikanth knows Victoria's secret.
Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.
Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird.
Google won't find Rajinikanth because you don't find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.
Rajinikanth can speak Braille.
Rajinikanth can dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks.
Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
Chuck Norris once met Rajinikanth. The result - He was reduced to a joke on the internet.
Rajinikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
Rajinikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Rajinikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Rajinikanth knows what women really want.
Rajinikanth doesn't need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikanth”.
There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.
Rajinikanth's first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.
Pick a winner, if you dare.