PM's family on being India's VVIPs No 1

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh is in the news round the clock but citizen Manmohan Singh has never been revealed. The country knows him as a scholar, administrator and a man of great integrity. But little is know about his private life and his family. A simple life, away from glamour and attention is what his family strives for. CNN-IBN’s Suhasini Haidar meets Prime Minister’s wife Gursharan Kaur, daughters Upinder Singh and Daman Singh and learns that the family is quite sure that Singh would be nervous if any of his children suddenly stood up to choose politics as a career.

Suhasini Haidar: Five years since you found out Dr Singh would be PM – tell us how you felt that day?

Gursharan Kaur: It was an unbelievable moment. Since he was not contesting, he was not trying, he was out of the race. It came out of the blue, and of course we were delighted by the news, at the same time it was an incredible thing for us and one was also conscious about the heavy responsibility which was going to fall on my husband’s shoulders.

Suhasini Haidar: In these five years what is it about the Prime Minister you have learnt - has he changed?

Gursharan Kaur: I am sure he has- how to run the government is no joke, and in a country like ours, with all the allies to keep everyone happy – and so many acute problems of the country – he has tried his best – he has worked very hard.

Suhasini Haidar: You’ve met many heads of state - most recently we saw you with Michelle Obama- what was that like?

Gursharan Kaur: She was a very friendly and warm person - of course she is much taller than me-and I felt very short against her. And I told her I feel very short, we look very strange and she said don’t worry - I’ll take out my heels (laughs) - she made me comfortable. Of course I was just joking.

Suhasini Haidar: In the US of course First Ladies has many roles - have you ever felt that in India too, First Ladies should have a more structured role?

Gursharan Kaur: Yes of course, I wish I was doing more for the people of India.. There were times I wished I could be part of an NGO or do something more to contribute to the country.

Suhasini Haidar: You have other talents - you are a trained singer - why did you give it up?

Gursharan Kaur: To tell you the truth, I have not stopped I still sing for myself, small groups, my friends. Music is something that has been with me since my childhood. When I was young I sang for Gurpurab in Nowshera in what’s now Pakistan..After that I got married, started a family, so I really couldn’t continue, we were also traveling quite a lot- to Oxford back to Chandigarh.

Suhasini Haidar: Any particular songs the PM is fond of?

Gursharan Kaur: He is very fond of classical music, folk music, particularly of Mirza Ghalib..

Suhasini Haidar: What does he do in his spare time?

Gursharan Kaur: He is always reading- he has his books that keep him occupied. And whenever I find a new CD, I try to put it on and he will say Kaun Gaa raha hai - he appreciates it all - but especially classical.

Suhasini Haidar: The rest of it - the way his colleagues describe it, is all work?

Gursharan Kaur: Yup, it’s all work, work, work. Work is his religion. I just got used to the way he is. We are two completely different people. I admire the way he is, his dedication to work.

Suhasini Haidar: When he first decided to join public life did you mind: you had married a professor, you are now married to the Prime Minister?

Gursharan Kaur: Oh not at all, it was such a huge opportunity for an economist to run the finance ministry, and it was all because of Narasimha Rao saheb to select him, it was a great honour and a challenge, and that was a turning point in his life…to improve the economy of the country was not a small task.

Suhasini Haidar: You’re obviously very proud of him.

Gursharan Kaur: Very proud. His training was coming to use. He has always been concerned about the country, how to bring prosperity, and he has managed.

Suhasini Haidar: Sonia Gandhi once said she fought like a tigress to protect her family from politics. To guard their privacy, as well as worried about their security. Was that a concern for you?

Gursharan Kaur: No I don’t think so.

Suhasini Haidar: Did you at any time tell him Dr Singh politics is not for you?

Gursharan Kaur: I think he has tried to do his best as far as possible - I don’t know what you mean about him not being a politician - he is what he is, and he is not going to change for anybody - what he aims at is doing his job well. There’s still a lot to be done. He’s tried his best.

Suhasini Haidar: I interviewed him ten years ago when he had lost the Lok Sabha election - he seemed dejected with his party, and with politics. Was that a hard time for you?

Gursharan Kaur: Yes it was - and there had been positive signals coming from every side - ek seat congress ki ayegi, so one was quite optimistic about it….if good people keep losing they will get dejected. I am not saying they don’t – there are lots of good people around.

Suhasini Haidar: Does he turn to faith? Is he a religious man?

Gursharan Kaur: He has been a religious man throughout - he prays in his own way- doesn’t believe in any rituals, he doesn’t believe going to gurdwara everyday makes a man religious. Of course he believes in prayers but he also believes that whatever comes to him is destiny.

Suhasini Haidar: So when everyone was surprised he became PM, he saw it as his destiny.

Gursharan Kaur: I am sure he saw it that way.

Suhasini Haidar: Describe the first time you met him.

Gursharan Kaur: You mean as a bachelor? You are asking all the secrets? We were introduced - his parents were looking for a bride, and my parents said I should see him. We liked each other straight away - so it was fixed.

Suhasini Haidar: In the past five years - what has he missed out on the most?

Gursharan Kaur: Most of all spending time with the family. Time to relax. He hasn’t had a holiday for the last five years. Frankly speaking it goes much beyond that

Suhasini Haidar: He hasn’t been on a holiday as PM?

Gursharan Kaur: During these 5 years? Not at all, no. Many friends have suggested why don’t you take time off, but there is always so much work, he has no time to…I think he relaxes when he is working.

Suhasini Haidar: Relations with Sonia Gandhi - do you have common ground?

Gursharan Kaur: I find her a very warm and down to earth person - if we had the chance to be friends there would be no problem - whenever we meet we chat about our children - they’re the main common ground.

Suhasini Haidar: But you’ve brought up your children differently - the Gandhis have grown up in the glare of spotlights - you have kept your family away from that. Was that by choice?

Gursharan Kaur: I think we don’t believe in pushing ourselves too much – we believe in staying low-key. That has been our training, our way of life, so we stick to that. And we are getting enough limelight as it is- laughs.

Suhasini Haidar: Who makes the decisions in the family?

Gursharan Kaur: Life revolves around him. So we have to look at his convenience in everything.

Suhasini Haidar: Did he push his girls into academics?

Gursharan Kaur: No, they had the freedom to choose their careers- and we are very happy with where they are.

Upinder Singh: He never tried to directly influence us- but the fact that we grew up with books around us and the fact that he was an academic, had their impact, although we did choose our own professions. At the end of the day he said its your life.

Suhasini Haidar: Why did you stay away from politics?

Upinder Singh: We were never interested in politics. I guess there were other things that interested us.

Suhasini Haidar: What would he say if you did want to join politics?

Daman Singh: I think he would be a little nervous! I did once ask him- not in terms of politics, but since my work in development is somewhat related- I did ask if I could work with him- and he was careful not to hurt me and said- I think its better if we have separate careers, better not to mix.

Suhasini Haidar: But you had to give up your work because of him becoming PM?

Daman Singh: Well the kind of work I was doing I couldn’t continue to do - as long as I was an ordinary person I was able to function beautifully, but once people around me saw me as this image of someone with power.

Suhasini Haidar: Was moving to 7 RCR hard? How do you keep your routine.

Gursharan Kaur: Yes in some ways- I certainly missed my driving. I certainly missed my trips to Mother Dairy - I still try to go out to shop- if its shoes or Saris…

Suhasini Haidar: Was it hard at work as well

Upinder Singh: My job as a teacher hasn’t been bothered- it’s possible others look at me differently, but I don’t feel that way- my research continues. We have been brought up to be very down to earth, and to separate what my father was doing from what we were doing- and we extended that attitude to our children. They do get agitated when they see something on television.

Suhasini Haidar: PM is seen by the large middle class as one of us- and then we watch his family having to deal with his elevation was there a point at which you resisted the change? The security, the lack of privacy…

Daman Singh: I think the first two years for me were very difficult – the first year especially I was very angry, very bitter- somewhere towards the end of the second year, I was able to rationalize - why was I blaming my father for this, when it wasn’t really his fault. I think I have managed to get over that…and we have problems- but when we see him on a daily basis- I mean, what are our little problems- it seems like a huge fuss over something that’s trivial- especially given how remarkable his work is.

Suhasini Haidar: I ask because on the outside it looks like ‘wow- imagine being in this powerful position’ - and we meet you- who say ‘hold on, we have had to make adjustments’. Have you ever spoken to him about it have you ever complained to him and said you want to live a normal life?

Gursharan Kaur: No in fact I have always found myself telling him to go ahead with what he needs to do- especially at times I have seen him low- to be honest I feel we are very privileged family, we are very proud of him.

Suhasini Haidar: Did you miss him as a father?

Upinder Singh: He has always been passionately involved in his work - and that stands out when you look at him as a father - his involvement in work - is described as a workaholic- I don’t think that sums it up - he is very involved in it- gives it everything he has got. Holidays? I think there was one holiday in the 70s, yup in the 70s we all went to Nainital when we were small. We had a lot of fun, but there was always so much to attend to, so much work, that it wouldn’t be right for him to go off and have a good time.

Daman Singh: I think work is not only duty - its also fun - very often we hear mummy and daddy arguing – she says why are you leaving early for work- he is sort of straining to get to work like a little kid - who is keen to go to school, so he loves his work, and I hope its something that has rubbed off on us and our children- I doubt it though…(laughs )

Suhasini Haidar: Do his tensions at work come home? Did the nuclear deal come home?

Daman Singh: Yes, oh yes - we were all upset about whatever upsets him- its very contagious - down to my son at 10-12 years. He would know all about the nuclear deal but we would try to divert each others attention by sharing our thoughts. My mother has made a rule- no talking work at the dining table.

Upinder Singh: He has always been very insistent that there is a dividing line between personal life and professional life- so we don’t have long discussions on issues he deals with. I think both my parents share that rather simple and austere attitude towards life. So you know if on the dinner table there is anything more than one dal, subzi, and dahi, they feel uncomfortable - they feel it’s going too far. Ever since we were small especially when we are at the dining table - he’d always say- meri dadi (grandmother) yeh bada changa banandi si. Mention the thom vale chawal, some anar dana, or aloo bukhara ki subzi. We heard a lot about his dadi, because his mother passed away when he was very young - he was brought up by her.

Gursharan Kaur: His father was a very good cook.

Suhasini Haidar: Does Dr Singh cook?

Gursharan Kaur: No.

Suhasini Haidar: Does he help at home at all?

Gursharan Kaur: He helped doing the dishes when we were abroad - washing up and all He likes all the Punjabi food.

Suhasini Haidar: What sort of influence has he had on you?

Daman Singh: I think in terms of values - I feel he is very strong - I wish I could do half as good a job as they have done with my son. It’s a little tough bringing up a child and they had three and did a good job. In my son Rohan’s case he has had to grow up a little faster because of being the PM’s grandson - he hates being pointed out as a VIP - it upset him a lot - it took him a while to toughen up a bit.

Suhasini Haidar: How do you react to criticism of him- he’s called weak, invisible- does that upset you?

Gursharan Kaur: I believe kuch toh log kahenge- logon ka kam hai kehna, bolne dein (People are bound to say things, let them). I have told him not to bother- and today headline says PM calls a ceasefire- at least he has made it clear he doesn’t want to go on and on.

Upinder Singh: We realise it is part of politics - we know why people say this - he has so much more to say- media people are always picking up only this.

Suhasini Haidar: Do you ever tell him what he should do?

Daman Singh: I would like to I have so much to say - but so many other people have things to say too - so when I feel very strongly about something I let him know.

Upinder Singh: He really is a karma yogi- whatever he does he sees it as his duty - it’s the attitude he brings

Suhasini Haidar: Does he get angry?

Gursharan Kaur: Voh gussa pee jatein hain<.i> (He controls his anger). I don’t see him get angry ever- in these five years I have certainly not seen him get angry.

Suhasini Haidar: The bookies say he will win - are you in your mind saying oh, no?

Gursharan Kaur: It’s all destiny...if you are destined to serve the country you will - we don’t know how people are going to vote - but we would like the Congress party to do well, and come back to power and Dr Singh has been declared a Prime Ministerial candidate - so he should come back. It is hard work, but we are hoping and praying for him.

Suhasini Haidar: You had your daughter married without anyone knowing – why?

Gursharan Kaur: We were planning to have a reception for a few friends - but the Tsunami occurred so we put it off - but all my kids have had non-ritualistic marriages- registered weddings, with a few guests.

Suhasini Haidar: Did he come home at some point and tell you he would quit if the nuclear deal didn’t go through?

Gursharan Kaur: Yes he did, and everyone knew that

Upinder Singh: I think he didn’t see it as personal pride, more as national prestige.

Suhasini Haidar: And which of you asked for Obama’s autograph?

Gursharan Kaur: That was the youngest one- Amrit- she said could you do this for me, so he said ok I will try

Daman Singh: I was surprised- I thought he would say we have serious matters to discuss- I cannot bring this request along with me- that’s why I was shocked when he said, let me try

Suhasini Haidar: Has he mellowed over the years?

Daman Singh: I think he has- he has learned the ability to take a lot more people along.

Suhasini Haidar: As you look back at your journey with the PM together for the past few decades- is he still the same man you married?

Gursharan Kaur: Sure, we are both loyal to each other - and it’s been 50 years, 50 long years- we’ve both matured.

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